Stale Coffee (insights)

Since it is Ramadan I will attempt avoid name calling and beratement and try to keep it above the belt, but Starbucks Gossip has a point, stop it with the "witty comments" about Starbucks sizes.

The other day, for instance, I was in the drive-thru at a local Starbucks and decided to order a vanilla cappuccino.

“Would you like a tall?” said the voice in the speaker.

“No,” I said. “I don’t want that much. A small will do.”

Silence on her end.

“We don’t have smalls, sir,” said the voice. “A small is a tall.”

Silence on my end as I cogitated over that.

“But a small can’t be a tall,” I said. “It’s a contradiction in terms. You don’t have short larges, do you?”

“Uh ...” went the voice. “Hold on.”

[ Size matters, but not at Starbucks ]

If you want a small coffee, go to 7-11, they still have that size. Starbucks chose their sizes (tall, grande, venti, solo, and dopio) for a good reason, they are homage to the grand tradition of Italian Cafés. Perhaps you'd prefer if the tall was called an alto, but in cafés around the world they call a tall a tall, and they did before Starbucks existed.

Why are the names of the sizes at Starbucks such an issue? I'd say it's the face of the "Ugly American" rearing again. Is there something wrong with Italian names? Do you argue, when purchasing sheet music, when they used the traditional Italian terms?  Do you complain to your wine shop when they use French terms? Perhaps you have issue with "Cappuccio" as well, and would prefer Starbucks to call it a "Hot Pressed Coffee with Milk and topped with Steamed Milk"?

And, for arguments sake, let's pretend you actually have a point and the names should be what you've dictated, haven't you notcied that dozens of other jounalists and comedians have already covered this? You are simply rehashing their barely humorous comments of yesteryear. Perhaps you think you are covered because in Escanaba Michigan everyone gets all of their news from the Daily Press, and the Starbucks was only put in a few weeks ago (or never), and no one watches any televison or movies, so you believe that your comments are fresh and clever. Well, think again, please, for all of our sakes.

(Odd that he does a rant against Starbucks in a town without a single Starbucks in it)

Oh, as for "grande" and "venti", I guess the purist thing to do is force people to order multiple talls, since outside the US and Canada a "tall" is plenty enough coffee for anyone, perhaps a double-tall, but anything bigger is just gluttonous. Perhaps your criticism should be that Starbucks didn't reproduce the authentic Italian café by duplicating it in toto. What's next, citing Ikea with violations for using Swedish names for their products? The horror!